Rabbits, Gels, and Mirage, Oh My!
by Lenna the Fallen One
Summary: Ever wondered what would happen when you mix Barney, Barbie, and Sophia? Really odd wierdness. R&R please!
1. Albel and FuFu

Random Battles Between Star Ocean 3 Characters

_Just something to type out of boredom, so if you want a continuation, 5 reviews would be nice. I don't own Star Ocean, nor do I really own this computer that I'm typing this fic on._

Battle One: Albel Vs. Rabbit

It was a beautiful, sunny wooden . . . woodlandy . . . green . . . whatever . . . kind of day. Young Albel Nox was taking a stroll, singing 'Oops, I did it again' while munching eagerly on a young, naïve grasshopper. Mmm . . . the crunchy, bitter taste that almost compared with the taste of boiled frogs. What could be better than that?

Suddenly, the master swordsman heard a noise. It was coming from the bushes. Yet, what could it be? A dragon? A wolf? A leprechaun? A Czech fairy-dancing, pop-star diva?

Slowly, Albel unsheathed his sword as he crept towards the bush, not at all afraid of what's to come. Well, you couldn't really tell that from the shaking of his legs. Anyways, Albel crept closer, closer, CLOSER . . . UNTIL he leapt out of the way in fright as he saw the demonic being! It was ghastly white, with long demon-like ears, great giant buck teeth that could shred a human into pieces, long, thunderous feet that could pound any being into oblivion, red eyes that could pierce through anything and turn that object into stone, and above all, those hideous whiskers that could detect any sudden movements and chase after the victim with incredible lightning quick speed! IT WAS LITTLE BUNNY FU-FU!

Sweating over the foot tall baby rabbit, Albel thought of what chance he could have. Could he actually defeat this unbeatable opponent? Breathing heavily, he had no option. He had to defeat this abomination for the sake of the world!

With a lunge and a great battle cry, Albel struck at the rabbit with his sword, hoping it would die instantly. When Albel looked to see if he killed it for good, he noticed the rabbit was gone! How could anything in the world evade his slash? This was too powerful an opponent indeed!

The poor man looked around, hoping he could spot his target . . . but little did he know . . .

The rabbit struck! Landing on Albel's face he began his powerful sniffing attack! Sniff, sniff, sniff the rabbit went, causing great agony for Albel! Screaming, Albel tried to fling the rabbit off, but it was no use! The rabbit clung on, continuing to sniff his hair, his eyes, even his snot!

Yet the rabbit decided the sniffing attack wasn't enough to knock out Albel, so he used his ultimate attack!

The rabbit lunged itself on Albel's thighs as Albel fell onto the ground, which was the worst moment ever! Immediately, the rabbit sunk his teeth in the most painful spot a guy could ever have and began to chomp chomp chomp painfully! Each chomp brought a scream to Albel, wanting it to end!

After five minutes of screaming, endless pain, the rabbit jumped off and hopped away, leaving Albel to his convulsions and pain, hoping someone would pick him up and take him to a doctor.

Truly, no one was a match for Little Bunny Fu-Fu.


	2. Moomoos?

Chapter 2: Cliff Vs. Cow

_Okay, so chapter 2 is actually up and running! Sorry I took so long, for hanging with my Uncle and boyfriend and whatever obstacle that came by me halted my writing career. I hope this goes alright, and please R&R because it would make me feel confident to write another chapter!_

It was ANOTHER beautiful, sunny day where it was actually raining. More like a monsoon really, with all the wind and rain and flooding in the great pastures beyond where our favorite blonde-haired conceited man stood.

Cliff Fittir was looking for a challenge. A great challenge no one has defeated just yet. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to fight Mirage again, for fear he may lose to her once more and be called a wimpy little boy the rest of his life. Though he also helped destroy the creator of universe, wasn't there anything more to provide a challenge for him?

He scanned the valley as he spotted a pasture full of brown spotted white cows. In fact, anything he saw beyond that was grass, grass, grass . . . OH, LOOK OVER THERE! It's . . .! More grass.

"Hmph . . . is that the only thing out here?" Cliff rested a hand on his side as he gazed at the cows. Finally he came up with an idea that blared _RIIING_ like a telephone.

"Hey, why don't I have hamburgers for lunch?" He yelled as he gave his sadistic, Kefka-like battle cry, running down the pasture, readying his fists. He came across a great . . . HUGE . . . baby cow that was three feet tall and was scrawny as a chicken. A really scrawny chicken. ANYWAYS . . . the young . . . well somewhat middle-aged-even-though-he-doesn't-look-it man took the charge and was about to swing at the helpless baby cow until . . .

WHAM!

Cliff found himself with a bloody nose as he became bewildered at what was going on around the pasture. It was so weird, for what could hit him in the middle of the pasture? Highly doubt it was the cows . . .

Wiping his nose, Cliff rose from the ground, wanting vengeance for whoever knocked him flat. Yet, there was no one in sight. Sighing he returned to his attempt at butchering the poor little moo-moos. Unfortunately when he was close to the baby cow . .

WHAM!

Sprawling, Cliff fell on his face for the second time as his nose was filled with both dirt and blood. What the hell was going on here? No HUMAN could've snuck and popped him one, unless it was an invisible human, which didn't seem likely at all because Cliff was stuck in the middle of nowhere. THEN WHO?

Suddenly he heard clowns snickering maniacally. It made him want to cry like a little baby because Cliff had a fear of Freddy Kreuger, which in turn he had a fear of Freddy Kreuger in a clown costume, which finally leads to his fear of clowns. As he gazed toward the source of the laughing clowns, he figured out it wasn't laughing clown at all but . . .

HIGHLY TRAINED SUPER MATRIX-STYLE NINJA COWS!

Once the highly-trained-super-matrix-style-ninja cows stopped laughing, they immediately circled the young, whimpering, pretty much crying like a little Barbie doll man and immediately began pounding on him matrix-style. They threw hooves left and right in slow-motion and freeze frame mode, hitting him in the face, leaving scars everywhere. They also covered his face in warm milk with their super blaster cannon utters, leaving poor Cliff in the face of loss.

"MOMMY!" Cliff screamed as he was finished off with the super incredible sniff attack, once used by the cow's Uncle, Little Bunny Fu-Fu! It was the end, for no conceited man could ever withstand any attack linked to Little Bunny Fu-Fu. By the time the ambulance reached the spot where he lied (which took pretty much 26.2899 hours), he was covered in 26 gallons of milk . . .


	3. TELEMARKETERS!

Nel Vs. Telemarketer

_I'm sorry Nel, forgive me. This is going to be an odd combination but I will definitely pull this off! Thank you reviewers for inspiring me!_

In the darkness of an abbey hides a spy. The Crimson blade, no doubt.

Nel sighed.

"This is hopeless, what is there to do around here?" Little did she know . . .

"Psst . . ." Nel jumped at the call.

"Must be my imagination . . ." Nel held a hand to her forehead and shook it slowly, knowing that it was just a false alarm. She sat silently . . . EVER so silently until . . .

"Psst . . . NEL!"

"AHH!" Nel jumped and turned around to find . . . to FIND . . . a CLOAKED FIGURE! insert faraway scream Nel wasn't too amused. She narrowed her eyes and spoke in a threatening voice.

"Who are you . . . what do you want?" She quickly unsheathed her blades and was already in battle stance before the cloaked figure (or anyone for that matter) yelled, "BUGGABOOTAKILAKIMOOMOO!"

"I've come to defeat you Nel . . . beware of my powers . . ." The cloaked figure spoke.

"Once again, who are you?" Nel was ready to attack, but quickly the figure jumped into the shadows.

"Okay, that was quite odd." She sighed once more and thought about her current situation. However, within a few minutes . . .

"RING!"

"Huh?"

"RIIING?"

"Who could that be?" Nel looked around for the source of the ringing.

"PICK UP THE CELL INSIDE YOUR CLOAK YOU INSOLENT PHONE-DEPRIVED FREAK!" Some one shouted from the shadows.

"Fine, fine. Sheesh." Nel immediately answered her new cell phone.

Breathing was the only sound that emitted from the phone. What was it, though? Who in blue Hades could possibly be stalking her (besides all those fan boys out there)?

Pressing the end button on her cell, Nel released a breath of hopelessness. Folding her arms, she looked toward the opening of the abbey and wondered who that mysterious being could be. Too bad that thought didn't last long.

_RIING!_

Grumbling, Nel flipped open her cell phone again and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Would you like to buy this great new item from Window Panes Ect.? Have you ever wondered what life could be like with one? Have you ever . . ." IT WENT ON AND ON!

"AAH!" Nel screamed as she attempted to hit the end button. However, it wouldn't end! The voice kept going on and on about window panes! Why would she even buy one?

"Blah, blah, blah, window pane, blah, blah, blah, only $129, blah, blah, blah . . . SUFFER!"

Next thing you know, a block of limburger cheese hit her face, knocking the poor woman out. The End.

_Um . . . yeah . . . review if ya dare._


	4. Sophia IKB?

Chapter Four: Sophia Versus IKB

Okay, my writer's block is gone! Now for a little fun with Sophia. If you wish to know who IKB is, please on, if you're not too afraid.

sigh Sophia looked towards the sky, stroking her kitten named Bobo. Yes, she named it after the clown.

Anyways, she thought. She thought it was quite boring after having many adventures of saving the world. Now all she could do now is stroke Bobo and her other kitten Poopie.

"What is there to do around here? I wish Fayt were here." She looked towards the sky, suddenly day dreaming of Fayt (A/N: Who SO should end up with Nel) until her mind somehow floated towards the thought of once saving the world again.

"That's not going to happen again . . ."

Or is it?

_Crash!_

All of a sudden an explosion was seen between two skyscrapers, as fire and smoke started to rise from the ground.

"Oh no! Just the perfect chance to save the world!" Immediately jumping up, she jumped into the nearest telephone booth and quickly changed . . . it took thirty minutes after doing her hair and makeup though. Immediately she leaped out, Superman-style, and shouted in her panda costume, "Panda Woman shall bring justice to this land!"

Seeing the fires rise about another forty feet she leaped up shouting, "Up, up, and away!"

However, she fell on her face in an attempt to fly. So, slowly she stood up and ran for the city.

_Two hours later . . . _

Finally after gasping and choking on her own spit, she arrived at the falling city. People were screaming, running around, some losing their legs, others losing their plastic surgery makeover. Sophia stood in valor at the dying people and screamed out, "I SHALL SAVE YOU GOOD CITIZENS!"

Someone nearby shouted, "You suck, panda freak!"

Grumbling, she ran off to find the source of the fires. On her way there, she saw a giant purple dinosaur using a flamethrower, laughing maniacally.

"DIE!" The beast roared, as he continued torching the current President of the United States, Johnshon Michlepickleshleimierama.

"What are you doing in the name of justice?" Sophia shouted towards the dinosaur.

"Oh, uh . . . saving these people from utter destruction!" The dinosaur grinned, knowing that was the worst excuse in the world.

"Oh, well let me help you! I'm trying to stop the cause of these fires, and it's hard to find out who it is."

"Oh, well, together we can obliterate these deadly killers! By the way, my name is Barney. What's yours?" Barney asked as he continued to torch the president.

"Sophia. Nice to meet you! Now let's go save the city!" And together Barney and Sophia ran to find the culprits. Little did Sophia know . . .

On the way through the city, Sophia caught the eye of a man who was running off.

"That's the culprit, get him!" She yelled.

"Alright, it's barbecuing time! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Barney laughed maniacally.

"Why are you laughing maniacally?"

"Um, because I was actually . . . coughing!"

"Well, I hope you'll feel better, but in the mean time let's get him!"

So the two ran off to catch the culprit, and after about half an hour of chasing, Barney leaped onto the man and began to stab him with an assassin knife.

"DIE, DIE, DIE!" Barney yelled, leaving Sophia in awe and amazement.

"Wow, your good."

"Yeah, but he isn't the culprit. Let's continue."

"Aw, that's too bad. I was hoping we had caught him."

So the two traveled until they found themselves in a dark alley. A REALLY dark alley.

"I'm scared . . ." Sophia whispered.

"Don't be. I'll protect you," Barney spoke as he crept upon Sophia with a knife. Closer, closer did he ever come near that girl until . . .

BOOM!

"You are under arrest for setting the city ablaze!" A woman's voice was heard.

"Who the?" Barney turned around to find . . .

THE IKB, or in other words, the Insane Killer Barbies, featuring Prom Barbie, Diva Barbie, Homeless Barbie, and 40 SD Version Barbie (chrome)!

"You are both under arrest for convicting these crimes . . . rape, murder, trespassing in a no trespassing zone, eating in a no eating zone, peeing in a no peeing zone, and doing the Cha-Cha which is now forbidden," Homeless Barbie spoke, blowing her nose on her ragged sleeve.

"But . . . I thought were good guys," Sophia cried out.

"We are! Those are the bad people! They are making us the scapegoats!"

"Oh . . ."

"GET THEM!" So the IKB took out their grenade launcher as Sophia attacked with her rod, but Sophia ran into the grenades head first and exploded, as Barney crept away.

"Damn, we almost had the criminal." Prom Barbie spoke, smoothing out her glistening gown.

"Yeah, too bad this girl was stupid enough to believe Barney." Diva Barbie said as she tidied her very short shorts.

_Okay, I'm sorry. I had to! Anyways review if you wish, because it really motivates me! Oh by the way, I don't own Barbie or Barney._


End file.
